Live Like You're Living

When I began writing this entry, it was titled: 

It's the Beginning of the End. 

But you know, I really dislike that phrase... 

"it's the beginning of the end.."

It's used so often when something long-term is coming to a close. 

I've heard it from countless teachers each year around April when final field trip dates arrive, and when exam study packets are issued. 

The said phrase has been used in movie titles (1957), by modern "prophets," palm readers, and girlfriends who aren't afraid to face reality. But why do we use that phrase, honestly? When is it even appropriate to start saying it? Why don't we ever say "it's the end of the beginning"? Why do we even have to designate start and end points? 

Anyways- I've been trying to avoid it all together. It's so easy to miss the point of why you're doing something if you're too caught up with "ohhh this is the last time we're going to _______."

I mean sure, there are times when the "last time" should be recognized, but as for me, I like to live as if I'm not leaving. 

So I've been doing just that:

Friday was our last Shabe night at the Rood's house, and even

though it was goodbye for some, it was so much fun! It was filled with good food, fun games, a great discussion on thankfulness- followed by some deep conversations, and a rousing game of Mafia. 

Saturday we went to the F.C. Tokyo v. Hiroshima soccer game. It was a very important game for #4 team (F.C. Tokyo) to compete for the national title. Even though no one scored- it was so much fun! The stadium cheering section was a madhouse- I've never heard so many different songs and chants at a sports game before.

I really cherish memories (who doesn't?). My family always valued making photo albums and taking video- it's something I too have grown to love. So, using my amateur editing skills, I've been putting together a photo & film montage of this summer to show at the final BEST club trip to Oshima Island. To me, it's a great way to use my own skills and give the students something to remember the summer. It might be a little cheesy, but I don't really care. 

Sunday turned out to be such a great day! Along with completing some of my video project, I also took a walk by the river to enjoy this awesome path I found that is strewn with big trees, tall grass, and old benches- talk about perfect photo-shoot spot! After that I did some family/friends gift shopping in Tama Center, and then took the 1 hour walk back to my apartment instead of the train (listening to Jack Johnson and Jason Mraz- such a good time). After getting back, I hung out with one of the students in the little park across the street from my house until 2 am. This was one of the best times I've had while in Japan. See, something I've learned is- even though this is not my home, life here is just as real as it is in California. 

As for the rest of my time here- plans are:

-Bible Study on Tuesday morning

-English Lunch Table on Wednesday and Friday

-Lunch with a student on Thursday

-Pro Baseball Game (woot!)

-Move out of apartment

-Oshima trip (including beach time, pair talk, bible study, and birthday fun)

-1 last night in Tokyo

-Closing orientation

-Looking at the Pacific Ocean through an airplane window... 

So yeah- it definitely would be "the beginning of the end" if my teachers had anything to say about it. But to me that phrase concludes that the country favorite "Live Like You Were Dying" should be my new theme song. But my relationships with these people won't suddenly end when the wheels of the plane depart from the surface of Japan. So why live like that? Why live like it's the end?- it's just not true. Then again, I can't live like I'm not leaving- cause that's just not true either.  

Shouldn't live like I'm dying. 

Don't want to know that I'm leaving. 

I think- to live like I'm living- is what works best for me. 

See you all very soon. 

Ice Ice Baby

Sometimes things get lost in translation.

That's really all I need to say to begin my story. 

Not too long ago I had this amusing conversation with one of the students. 

Student: "Do you guys keep ice in your freezer?"

Me: "Mmm.. yeah, most of the time."

S: "Oh really? Wow that's great."

M: "Yeah."

S: "Have you ever had it with chocolate?"

M: "What?"

S: "Yeah, with chocolate around it. It's sooo good!"

At this point I'm thinking two things:

1) "...?"

2) "The Japanese have such cool ways of making desserts!!"

M: "Wow. I've never even heard of that, I'll have to try it."

S: "Yeah, it's very good. Sometimes there are almonds on it too."

M: "Wait so.. there's like- ice, right?"

S: "Yeah."

M: "And then.. chocolate.. with.."

S: "Sometimes it's like, chocolate on the inside, then ice, then chocolate on the outside, with little nuts or something on it."

M: "...?"

S: "It's very common. Probably the most favorite ice cream in Japan." 

So I felt dumb. Why would anyone eat a chocolate covered ice cube, I mean- honestly?

Volleyball

If you've been reading, you already know that volleyball isn't my forte; being previously described as my biggest challenge this summer, you know that my lack of volleyball-skill caused great frustration. Nevertheless, three weeks ago, I hit a really good stride. It all began to make sense. I found a groove that worked for me, and I stuck with it. I finally found my place in volleyball:

official scorekeeper. 

That's right folks! I declared myself as the official volleyball scorekeeper for the summer, and you know what, I've had so much fun the last three sports nights. I figure, someone's gotta do it. And I can flip numbers like a pro- plus I love watching volleyball. It's the perfect position for me. :)

Japanese Lessons

During the English Lunch Tables, I often ask the students to teach me useful Japanese words or phrases. Despite the intention to learn useful Japanese, it often turns into Japanese slang or phrases that are just funny to hear me say (as with our exchange of English lessons as well..) 

For whatever reason, the majority of the Japanese I learn is either from comedians, or only phrases that old men or samurai would say. In fact, many of the students will often set up scenarios over and over just to hear me say a certain phrase. 

I guess it's just funny for them to hear an 18 year-old, foreign, white girl, say something that an old, drunk, Japanese man would say.. 

:) 

To Summit

summit [suhm-it]: noun - (1) the highest point or part, as of a hill, line of travel, or any object; top; apex (2) the highest point of attainment or aspiration: the summit of one's ambition.   (3)verb - to reach the summit of. 

This word became very important to me last Saturday. 

Summit. Summit. 

The summit. Reach the summit.

The summit... 

It was all I could think of. The summit of Mount Fuji. 

And I was so excited to climb! In fact, I had been excited since February- before I even knew I would be going to Japan. After looking at Mikey's photo album from a past SIJ trip up the volcano- I knew that I too wanted to conquer Mt. Fuji. 

A few of us during the hike.

Photo courtesy of Jillian Nelson

When it was confirmed that BEST club would be taking another Mount Fuji trip this summer, I was beyond excited. However, the skeptical faces of past climbers whose mouths exuded nervous laughs and phrases like, "never again" and "altitude sickness" weren't exactly validating my enthusiasm, but they pushed me to want to conquer it even more. 

Because of this, I decided to train. Knowing the mountain would be difficult, I knew anything

 would help- especially anything uphill. Luckily, 

(or maybe unluckily..) there's this hill we have to walk up every time we come back to our apartment. And this hill served as a tool for both training and encouragement as our utterances of "Fuji muscles" accompanied sweaty bodies and aching quads on the hottest days- reminding us that the neighborhood climb was not in vain. 

Besides that, I did some running on my own, some uphill sprints, ran flights of stairs.. I felt good in my preparedness. However, I had no way to measure that preparedness against the mountain itself until I got there. In the mean time, I built an image: an image of the climb; and in that image, I illustrated my potential, and within that potential- my performance. 

And that's what killed me. 

Summit: the point of attainment or aspiration.  

Looking up the mountain. 

I've always been a person who competes inwardly. My competitive nature is driven mostly by my need to obtain personal goals: choir president, valedictorian, rowing 500,000 meters in 8 weeks.. etc. However, it's these personal goals that prove so detrimental to my feeling of accomplishment; If I cannot realize a goal in the way I wanted to, if I cannot summit -so to say- I have failed. I've failed myself. And if I've failed myself, I've failed my team. I've failed my friends. And I cannot take it back. 

This wonderful trait of mine came swinging back full circle at Station 8 of Mount Fuji. After 4 hours of relentless uphill climbing, and with 2 more to go, my frustration and discouragement had set in. I had become the weakest of the 14 climbers. And that got to me. Despite my preparation physically for the climb, I could not even get in a state mentally that would help me overcome the challenge. 

See what happened was, the bar I'd set for my expected performance was high, and for me that bar was a goal. Yes, to summit Fuji was the prize I'd ultimately gain but- I wanted to conquerthe mountain. Not just make it. 

Well at that point, I was only 'making it,' and just barely too. Though the initial pain had passed, I was suffering from pure muscle exhaustion; and whether that was from not being in shape, or the depletion of available oxygen, or a combination of the two- I didn't know, I didn't care- the only person I could blame was myself. 

Because even if I reached the summit of the mountain,

I knew I wasn't going to summit my personal expectations.

Thus as we began to climb again, the word "summit" became bittersweet.

I had to say "shoganai"* and just move on. 

I had to reach the summit.. 

..it definitely would not be pretty if I didn't. 

The view of the summit from Stn. 8

I could see the summit of Mt. Fuji for the rest of the climb. I tried to count the switchbacks. 

"About 30 more minutes," Mark said. 30 minutes, I thought, okay so, that's about 8 songs. How many meters is a 1/2 hour of rowing? The song Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin is about 4 minutes- if I sing it 3 times I'm half way there. 

I tried everything to keep my mind off of failure. Songs, memory verses.. 

My group was ahead of me. 

Mark was behind with me.   

I felt like a burden.

I also felt like a fussy child as I compared Mt. Fuji to what Mt. Everest must be like. 

Man up! I thought And summit this thing already! 

We finally turned the last switchback onto the last stretch of stairs; it was the point when I came closest to tears during the climb. Tears out of frustration, grief, happiness, relief, probably more things than I can count- maybe even tears just from the sting of the cold.. nonetheless, turning that last switchback humbled me.

See I had wanted to get down from Fuji and be able to say so nonchalantly, "yeah it was a good hike. Kinda difficult but, you know.." However my right to say that had, obviously, been demolished; and with it, my pride. And those final few minutes really made me think- because as I turned the last corner, I saw my group- scattered along the top of the stairs, waiting-waiting at the gates, so we could all cross into the summit together. 

Seriously?! After 6 hours of strenuous hiking, they're going to forsake their right to take one more step? Just one more step and they all could have summitted.. 

People want to see you succeed, and they want to succeed with you. 

Where's the joy in summitting a mountain by yourself? A mere supplementing of your ego, and then what? The descent. It's so empty.

What's the point in needing to achieve on your own? 

In needing to succeed by your own strength?

I was bred by a society with individualistic tendencies.

And I've only come to realize that since being in Japan. 

In so many ways I'm learning what it really means to summit.  

  

Me at the summit of Mount Fuji. 

*shoganai: it cannot be helped; there's nothing you can do; oh well. 

Coming Soon...

Mt. Fuji blog post. 

Breakfast Creation

After finishing off 2 bags of granola, I decided it was time to venture into a new land of breakfast: pancakes. Upon seeing bags of pancake mix in the store, Dan and I thought it would be a good idea to try it. And even though the directions and all the information were printed in Japanese, there was a picture of an egg and a carton of milk on the front, so I thought this should be easy enough to make. 

Creation #1

Banana Pancakes

Date: 07/03/09

It was during Creation #1 that I realized I didn't have syrup. I had to think of an alternative to sweeten things up. I borrowed 2 bananas from my roommates and voila! Banana Pancakes. They weren't really that great- the recipe needs some honing- but they were good enough to eat, and at that point, that's all that mattered. 

Creation #2

Apple Pancakes

Date: 07/09/09

I had a little bit of time this morning to make breakfast so I broke out the pancake batter again. Still no syrup, so I decided to try another fruit. A richly flavored Japanese apple sounded like it would do the trick. In my box of goods though, I spotted white sugar, brown sugar, and vanilla extract- all of which sounded like they needed to be in my pancakes. So I experimented. The pancakes turned out great- only problem was that the sugar makes the outside burn too quickly, and the inside not cook quite enough. I'll leave the "recipe" below. If you feel like experimenting, let me know what works best for you. 

*Measurements are very approximate. In fact on most of these, I'd put a "maybe" before any number I list :)

Ingredients

1 1/2 C pancake mix

1/4 C white sugar

1/8 C brown sugar

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1 egg* (don't use egg if your mix doesn't call for it)

1 cup-ish of milk (use enough to make the batter somewhat thick and not too runny)

1 apple- thinly sliced. 

Directions

-mix p-mix, white sugar, brown sugar, vanilla extract, egg*, and milk together. 

-slice yo' apple.

-set the burner to low heat. 

-pour a small amount of batter into a circular (or mickey mouse) shape on the pan. 

-put some apple slices on the pancake. 

-use a better spatula than I had to attempt to flip the pancake. 

-use that same spatula to move the pancake from the pan to a plate. 

-eat. 

-email Rachel to tell her how you did :D